Writing and Music Quiet the Bully

Music meets you where you are.

It always does, serendipitously.

Writing and music are therapeutic, if you allow them to be.

When I needed it most, writing saved me. A pen, paper and a solo trip to the Caribbean 23 years ago was life changing.

It comes and goes. When I was growing Snoloha, what I enjoyed most wasn’t selling clothing. It was my blog, ‘Barefoot & Exposed’. I loved the connection I made with people around the country - thru what the brand meant to them and thru my blog ramblings.

Journaling is inconsistent, at best.

Vulnerability is scary, to say the least.

As I’ve ventured into new waters with a major career move, I nervously have shared, publicly, my excitement and my anxieties.

I’ve had some really amazing feedback from people I truly admire and have known for many years.

It seems pretentious or arrogant, if I think about it, to share my words and expect some sort of connection or reaction. Am I looking for a dopamine hit? The truth is, it eases the weight I carry on my shoulders. I am my own worst critic. I have a bully in my head who is so god damn loud at times that I can’t help but listen to him.

Writing and music quiet that bully.

Believe it or not, I do listen to more than just Jimmy Buffett.

In my Man’s Land garage / workout room, I have a play list that wreaks of 90s grunge and rap.

On a recent morning this song met me exactly where I was — Eminem, Not Afraid:

“But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out

Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't, this fuckin' black cloud

Still follows me around but it's time to exercise these demons

These muh'fuckers are doin' jumpin' jacks now”

This move to Carp Lake has been great, and difficult. Two things can be true at the same time. I deeply miss my sailing buddies and all the amazing humans I considered family back in Traverse City. I miss Traverse City in general, a lot. It was the first place I felt settled after a lifetime of being unsettled. It was home, finally.

And starting a new career at this stage in my life is daunting, to say the least. What am I thinking? Why add to the anxiety and the unsettledness? Am I some kind of masochist? I do find comfort in my own pain, I have learned. Yes, that is a thing.

And for the record, Boyne Resorts was an amazing place to work. Thanks to Boyne I had the opportunity to move ‘up north’, to buy a house (and boats!), go on vacations and take care of my family. I only left Boyne because I was ready for a change and a new challenge. Do I second guess that decision? I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. I think that’s the hard and scary part of change and growth.

So I remind myself that growth happens outside of your comfort zone, from being vulnerable.

Trust the process, right? The windshield is bigger than the rearview for a reason.

I do love where I am now. I do. It’s just an adjustment.

I love how happy my beautiful wife is. She deserves to be here.

I love how my girls are thriving and adapting.

I will too, eventually.

I second guess myself, relentlessly.

I doubt my abilities, constantly.

But I love my wife and daughters, endlessly.

And really, isn’t that all that matters?

“Now and then I let it go, I ride the waves I can't control

I'm learnin' how to build a better boat”